You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
