You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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