She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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