Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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