I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
