My room smells like vodka and shame
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
