Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
