His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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