You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
