omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
