I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
