K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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