please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
