I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
