Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
