Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
