She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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