Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
