Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
