So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
