I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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