My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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