They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize