Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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