remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone signed my nipple.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
