I can tuck mytits in my pants
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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