fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
