You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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