Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
