just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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