Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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