Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
