When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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