Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
