For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
