please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
