all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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