i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
