So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
