remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
