Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
