When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
