Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
