drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
