i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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