Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
