yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
