T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
