I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
