I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
