Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize