We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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