So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
