yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
