Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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