I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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