Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
