he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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