when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
