I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
