I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
