Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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