I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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