I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
