it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
