you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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