Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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