We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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